From now on, December 16th 2011 will be known as ‘hang out with 100 Monkeys all day,’ day!! Because that is pretty much what I did! :)
But, even still when I woke this morning and realised it would be all over by tonight, that it was the last show and I haven’t a clue when I’ll ever see them again, I cried…and felt lousy!! I have had the best week ever and I didn’t want to it to ever end, I was dreading saying goodbye to my Monkey boys!!
Eventually I dragged myself out of bed and headed off to Covent Garden on my own for a few last minute Christmas presents…and I also wanted to get the boys and the crew Thank You cards! Bumped into Karen whilst out shopping and went over our meet up plans again. Found the things I wanted, killed some time in Starbucks and had lunch in Macdonald’s before heading back to the hotel to get ready.
Had to be ready early tonight, I was meeting up with Karen at about 3.20pm to head on over to the VIP ZooKeeper party…with 100 Monkeys!! When we found the place I was…I don’t know if disappointed was the word, but it wasn’t what I was expecting…it was merely a pub, a pub already full of regulars and I didn’t understand how this was going to work with having a bunch of fans and a band in there amongst the public - especially when a member of that band is internationally famous from a hugely successfully movie franchise!
Anyways, we waited and we had a drink. Jerad tweeted that they were on their way and eventually they arrived about 10 minutes late (claiming they got lost!!) They entered the pub very loudly (heck knows what the regulars thought!) or at least Jackson and Ben G did…and straight away all the louder, more confident fans hogged them! I was sat on a bar stool at the time and I did glance over and catch Jackson’s eye for all of a second!
We then moved into the restaurant area of the pub, feeling slightly special as everyone in there was kicked out! We followed the boys in and I remember Jackson shouting something about this being all for us (honestly, it was a few tables and another room with a couch, more chairs and a pool table in - don’t make out it’s the Grand hotel or something mister!) And I just felt….awkward!! I didn’t know what we were supposed to do, what we were allowed to do, whether to sit down, whether to beat off everyone else and go hog my man or what and I felt a complete idiot stood around just watching them as everyone else seemed to be talking to them and having fun but me!
I eventually got talking to some other fans (besides Karen), a few others admitted they felt awkward too. And then people started taking photos with the boys and I thought, hell - I want in!! If I had gone home and never asked them, especially Jackson, for individual photos I know I would have regretted it forever and cried over the fact! So, camera grabbed, I persuaded Karen to come with me and I pretty much stalked Jackson, slowly, back into the little side room with the pool table in. As we were heading that way, someone was behind me and said something about my hair smelling lush. We were walking past Ben G at the time who gave us a most funny look and then laughed and said something about that being random!! I didn’t think I’d get anywhere near Ben G tonight as Maris was obviously there!
Jackson was being very loud and jolly in the other room, talking to a bunch of girls and then sat on Uncle Larry’s lap for some unknown reason…think he was pretending he was Santa or something! He was allowing girls to take photos of him, so, yeah…I snapped a couple :p And then he said to Larry to let him know when he was too much for him with his boney ass!!
He got up then and I was inching closer to him to ask, but some other girl started messing with my hair and going on about it. Why they hell does everyone like to think I’m a pony with my hair?! I have no idea if Jackson heard any of this inane conversation, but I hope not! Lani shouted that the food was ready then, and someone mentioned they had Thai food, Jackson was going on about something about it not going well with Guinness (which he was drinking) and it making his tummy all weird and doing the actions of what his stomach would do and the funny sounds - yeah, thanks for the details Jay!!
Finally, he turned slightly to his side and I sort of stood next to him and I confess I whined his name, he turned to look at me and I asked him if I could have a photo. He smiled and said yes straight away, quite happily and I don’t know why I had been so scared of asking him! He swapped his drink over into his other hand and posed beside me, putting his arm around which I actually felt this time! Whilst Karen tried to figure out how to use my camera! She snapped two pictures, which I wasn‘t expecting - I thought the first hadn‘t taken properly, but I think she was just being (cleverly) sneaky :p. And whilst I had my hand around him, I remember shifting my hand slightly and then realised I was actually rubbing his back up and down and felt his shoulder blade and everything through his coat and thought eek, stop!! Might just be why I have the smirk expression on the second photo!!
I thanked him after Karen had taken the photos and I think he smiled, may have said something, but it was a bit of a blur and then Karen handed me my camera back and I had to check the photos and I think I may have sqee’d over them, esp the first one as he’s smiling so lovely on it - oh dear! I’m hoping that someone else had asked him for a photo then or spoken to him so he didn’t hear me!!
I then spied Ben J stood practically on his own, just watching everything and I figured, hey we’re on a roll now!! So I went over and asked him for a photo and he grinned hugely at me, looking almost thrilled that I was speaking to him and said ‘certainly’ - he seemed really eager about it anyway - which was cute!! I posed with him and Karen snapped the photo. And then I told him about Gillian and I driving from Glasgow to Birmingham in the snow at 100 miles per hour, with Wandering Mind on in the car loud and us dancing, and how it wasn’t such a good idea. He sort of laughed and said yeah, probably shouldn’t do that! And then looked worried when I gave him a demonstration of my phone flying out of my pocket at the time and made myself stop there!!
Jerad was next on my quest. He was stood talking to some other girls, so I waited patiently until he’d finished. And then asked him for a photo as well. He was just as willing and soon flung his arm around me. Snapped the photo, I was making poor Karen run around taking all my photos! And then Karen wanted one, she gave me her iphone to use and I had NO idea what I was doing with it! I told her I didn’t know how to use iphones, I can’t afford them and then wished I hadn’t said that when Jerad looked at me weird - haha!! I took the photo, but it was a bit blurred because my hand shook since I was trying to hold my camera in my hand too and I was a little nervous :p They looked at it and Jerad said it was a bit blurry. So I said we’d take a photo on my camera and I could email it to her. Jerad posed again and I snapped the camera…only then I had to tell him off because he’d shut his eyes! He groaned and said either ‘oh shoot’ or ‘oh shit’ am not sure which and went back into the pose. Took the photo and I said it was much better.
Before I left him, had to tell him hello from Gillian and how she’d gone home in tears yesterday because she didn’t want to miss the last shows and she missed them all. I went to explain who Gillian was, but he just nodded and knew who I was talking about. He pretended to look sad and he pouted when I said she’d cried at having to miss them, and he said ‘but that must mean it’s good’ and I said ‘oh hell yeah!’ he may or may not have gotten called over by someone else then.
Spied Ben G at the buffet, snacking on some food and talking to Maris. I went over and interrupted and asked if I could have a photo when he was done eating. He quickly swallowed what he was eating and then said he’d hide it behind his back, I told him he could finish and not to worry about it. Asked Maris to take the photo for me and she willingly did so…I think she did anyway - hope she didn’t mind! Ben got in real close and it’s a sweet photo. I thanked him and left him to eat and chat with Maris again.
Went back to find Karen who was talking to Ben J about his Mechanical People music and he was saying they should have another album out soon and about some CD she’d ordered. Although I wasn’t actually talking about it with them (since I haven’t checked any of their music out yet - I’m bad!) he was including me in the conversation and giving me eye contact and stuff - which was sweet of him! He mentioned something about face book and Twitter then and I told him that he needed to tweet more! And he gave some excuse about that that I didn’t understand - blaming it on Ben G for something he’s done - I don’t know if they share the account, but I was confused there!! I’m not sure if it was now, or later when I asked him whether 100 Monkeys would be back in the UK, or I basically said, ‘you guys will be coming back right?’ and he nodded and said ‘oh definitely!’ And Karen (I think) asked him if they would be doing The Sound tonight, he said they’d had a lot of requests for it and things and they’d probably have to otherwise people might throw things at them!!
Whilst we were talking to him, Jackson was still in that corner surrounded by girls and he was messing about trying on this girls hat - that was one of those red fascinator wedding things. Ben was looking at him as though he was mad and Karen said I can’t believe he’s put that on! And then I said he’s such a dork! He’d also been trying on a girls glasses and posing silly for the camera when she asked if she could take a photo of him by himself, heard him ask her what she wanted him to do!
All too soon it seemed that Lani was telling the guys they had to go, but it was worse than herding sheep for her, poor woman and harder than getting kids to leave! I think they were enjoying the time to just chill out and really chat with fans and not one of them seemed to want to go - which was good for us, but not for everyone waiting for a show! Lani said if they didn’t go soon there would be no show tonight!!
Slowly and surely they all began to head out. I think Jackson must have wandered past me whilst we were talking to Ben J and I then as he and Larry left, I remember telling them they had to do as they were told and they laughed at me! Just as they were leaving Jackson must have grabbed some food from the buffet and shouted back that ‘everyone eat the chicken on a stick, it’s great!’ whilst waving the empty stick in the air and with his mouth full!
And then they left - far too soon!! What had started out as rather awkward ended being pretty damn cool! I just wish it had been longer, so that once I got more comfortable with being around them like that and getting the nerve to talk to them, it wasn’t over. And I really wish I’d been able to speak to Jackson more than just asking him for a photo - but those two photos do mean the world to me - I am thrilled with them! But a nice normal chat would have been amazing! And I wish I had spoken to Uncle Larry - feel bad that he just seemed to be sat in the corner and I never asked him for a photo or anything - sorry Uncle Larry!! I do think he totally gets that it’s the guys thing though…I think he understands that! He seems to stand back a little and let them take the limelight - he’s a cool guy really and I do like him!
Once the boys were gone, most of the girls also left. A few were milling about and doing as they were told - eating the chicken on a stick! But since it was after 5 already and we had a M&G at 5.30, after a quick trip to the loo and chatting with other fans, Karen and I headed back to the venue to wait for M&G!
Before the M&G, Lani came out and explained they were on a tight schedule due to the club being in after them tonight and they had a lot of people to get through…so to make sure we had things ready and all that. She then allowed people in who wanted to buy merchandise - I really wanted my hoodie but didn’t want to be trying it on in the signing later in front of the boys, so I went in with her. Whilst in there I was having a chat with Will (Thwilla) and asked him how old he was, or said that someone had told me he was 19 and he said no, he was 27 (obviously having now learnt he was at school with Jackson and Ben - that makes sense for him to be the same age!) then I asked him if we were going to get to see the Thwilla tonight (i.e. performing on The Sound) and he said, oh maybe….. I bought my hoodie and then headed outside again.
Whilst waiting back outside, finally met Zara and got talking to her. She wasn’t in a good mood - everything had been going wrong for her and she was annoyed that she had this hat for Jackson that she wouldn’t be able to give him now. I offered to take it in for her and give it to him if she wanted me to. And she handed it over, thankful he’d at least get it! The meet and greets were a little messed up tonight - in that I don’t think Bauer could be bothered anymore! He wasn’t really checking names and just gave out passes to anyone who claimed they had a M&G! And he wasn’t bothered about zookeepers going last! The venue staff took us in tonight and handled it all.
Lani approached first when it was our turn and went to take our cameras. I gave her my thank you card and just told her it was for her and the crew to say thanks for everything . She thanked me and shoved it in her pocket. Gave her our cameras and continued into the room, Jerad just grinned and said ‘hey, long time no see’! and I laughed and said yeah, you must be sick of me by now, and they kind of all just laughed…I think, I hope :s!
I then produced their thank you card and handed it over, Jackson took it from me and stared at me as I said it was just to say thank you for the best week ever! I can’t remember whether any of them said anything back. Jackson put it on the counter behind them…he very possibly thanked me.
Next I handed over the hat to Jackson. I explained that it was from a friend (may have just said a girl) outside who wasn’t able to come in and give it to him herself. He asked me why she couldn’t come in. and I said, well she didn’t have a M&G. He turned it over and became rather animated over the fact that it was a Hush Puppie which obviously meant something to him and he said it was dope. He really studied it and was very obviously impressed with it! I said she would be at the show tonight and he asked me what she looked like. I said she was a big girl, dark hair that was shaved down one side. He repeated the shaved bit, I said yeah and he said he would look out for her.
I then handed over my ‘Every Monkey Dookies’ book and asked them if they could sign my niece’s favourite book. Jackson smiled and said it was his nephew’s favourite book too. Whilst they were doing that, Ben G suddenly asked me f he could see my tattoo. I wasn’t sure which one he meant - I mean, I have 10! But, he wanted to see the star on my wrist. I showed him it and he said it was cool or words to that effect. I told him it was a Septagram, he asked me what that meant, I explained it was a Wiccan symbol, Pagan, and was also known as a fairy star, which is why it had fairy dust around it. I looked up at that point and realised that all 4 younger boys were crowded around me all gazing at my tattoo. I ran my finger around the fairy dust and then looked up to find Jackson just gazing at me and our gaze met!! I then elaborated more and explained that it was to keep away evil. Ben G pretended to back away and said I’m goinnnnnggg….being silly and Jackson or Jerad said and there goes Ben!! Jerad then added that it was cool I always had something like that with me.
Once the tattoo chat was over, I asked them if I could get hugs with everyone. And starting with I think Ben G, I worked my way around the boys to Jerad next and then Jackson. Who quite latterly moaned ‘Mmm’ in my ear as we hugged. I seriously didn’t want to let him go and I admit I did hug him the tightest and the longest and I was very very tempted to kiss his cheek…I think if I didn’t pull back when I did, I would have! Then the hug with Larry was a little awkward and finally Ben J.
Lani asked if we could take photos now, trying to hurry us along no doubt. And I asked her if we could do them separately. She said no problem - Karen went first for her photo. Then me, I checked to see if the camera was still on - knowing it had been a git at this moment all week. She said it was fine. Jackson had left a gap in-between him and Larry - I think that was were Karen had stood and he just knew I’d throw myself in there! But…I kinda just ran between him and Jerad and asked if I could sneak in here! Jackson repeated the word ‘sneak’, seemingly finding it amusing as I positioned myself and the boys let me in. And then Lani backed into the public disabled toilet, needing to stand back further and nowhere else to go, to get everyone in the shot…and Jackson had to shout ‘in the bathroom’ for some unknown reason! Photo was taken, felt up Jackson’s back again (unintentionally)….and it was over too soon.
As Lani gave us our camera’s back I again thanked the boys for the best fucking week ever and I didn’t want to it end. And I suddenly blurted out, I love you guys and they all smiled at me and I added that I apologised if I cried tonight, but I was so sad it was ending…I was quite literally just babbling all this love and thanks to them as I as backing away and not wanting to leave them!
Turned and grabbed my stuff that I had dumped on the floor as usual and found my fan club keyring in pieces on the floor - someone must have trodden on it! Went back outside and told Zara he’d been thrilled with the hat - she was overjoyed about it and thanked me no end for taking it to him. And then we had to wait a bit longer for the doors to open and be herded about like cattle by the staff who kept changing where we should stand! But eventually they did let us zookeepers in first a couple of minutes before everyone else!
Because of the time constraints tonight, the support act started whilst people were still entering the building - which was a little daunting for her! But the place eventually filled up!! And then our boys were on stage about 5 minutes after their due time.
For the first half of the show, I let myself thoroughly enjoy it and dance and act as crazy as always. Ben did the improv again tonight, which turned out to be Big Ben. I did have a pretty good idea tonight for an improv - no sheep related! But didn’t want to shout it at Jerad again, so I shall just keep that for next time!!
They did do ‘The Sound’ tonight and it was awesome and got a lot of screams! I videoed it all and did a few others, but I was conscious of this last memory card not being as big and wanted to save some for the goodbyes at the end! Jackson sang some of the lines ‘No more my darling’ from Grocery Store No More in my direction and I got that cheeky grin from him!
He also told me to die, during Aim High again…I said yeah, thanks…as he was still looking at me and he just gave me a smirk! The girl next to me stared at me after that! :s
During wings of fire, when they all crash on the floor at the end, Jackson fell over and was lying on his back on the stage - Jerad helped him up. I took a photo, and only later when I was going through my photos, did I notice I had caught a photo of Jackson’s butt crack!! Lmao!! At least I know he’s not got a hairy ass, or it isn’t there anyway!
Not sure if it was tonight or the night before Jackson told his lame joke - which he had to explain, with demonstrations. The joke was ‘two men walked into a bar. The third ducked’. he told us to think about it and I did get it and was laughing before he had to explain it!
He was also holding his top hat he’d been wearing in his hands and then realised he looked as though he was begging and in a silly voice, held it out and said ‘tuppence please’ and laughed at himself!
The show was very emotional tonight, both for me and the boys. They seemed genuinely touched with all the love and feedback and just very very grateful for us all. I started getting upset during the first time they bow and leave the stage, not wanting them to go. And then before they even came back on to sing the Thank You song, I was in tears!! And I know that at least Jerad saw me crying and wiping my eyes! I was really upset and all that until, Ben said something to Jackson and whilst Jerad was doing his little guitar solo, Jackson licked his face!! And that made me laugh!
Before they did the final song, Jackson was explaining they only had one song left as this place was being turned into a club later….and then broke into what sounded very much like some tacky dance music - using his just voice - beat boxing kind of…and then Ben G joined in and we got the Jackson shaking his bum dance moves! Stupid me was too busy laughing at them to film it, but luckily someone else caught it and I have stolen it :p
Eventually it was all over far, far, far too quickly…and I was all in tears again! Especially when Jackson gave a very moving thank you speech to everyone, and especially the fans, at the end. All of the boys looked sad, but Ben J in particular and they all looked very touched. I don’t think they quite realised the support and fan base they have over here! After announcing the signing, which I wasn’t sure they’d do tonight because of the silly club thing so I was glad it was still on - it wasn‘t quite over with yet. Jackson left the stage….and I was SO very very sad.
I was also rather alone tonight….I felt SO down now and I was stood in line trying not to cry listening to some dad behind me moan about having to wait and teasing his daughter about the show! I couldn’t stand it and went to find some people I knew…found Karen and her buddies and stood with them - not that they spoke to me much! We tried to use our zookeepers passes to get to the front of the line, but the security woman wouldn’t let us, said we should have come up first!
So, we just stood back where we were and the line moved pretty quick. Since I’d bought my hoodie earlier, I didn’t need anymore merchandise this time, though I did pause by the desk and wonder. But Will was talking to some girls and they were making him dance or something. I watched for a few moments, but headed on over to my Monkey boys.
Jerad looked up at me and pouted and said in a sad voice, ‘it’s all over’…and looked really sad - I’m not sure whether he was referring to my earlier apology of me being upset tonight, whether he was talking about me crying in the show or whether he simply felt that way himself. I told him not to say that, because I had already been crying…well, at least until Jackson licked your face! He laughed and said, yeah, why did he do that? I told him Ben told him to, and he said he knew he did…but why did Jackson do it? I wanted to say because he’s a dork, but you know Jackson was sat right next to him!! I also told him to make sure they got their monkey butts back to the UK as soon as possible - which I had to repeat twice to him because he couldn’t hear me and I got my words muddled…so he leant right in to listen to me! And he promised me they would!
After he’d signed my zookeeper pass, which is about all I had left for them to sign and since it was the last night they could scribble on it now. I asked him if I could shake his hand. He held it out to me, I shook it and then went on to Jackson. Who after signing it, looked up at me expectantly. God…saying goodbye to him was hard. I just gazed at him for seconds, really getting eye contact finally…and…I then asked if I could shake his hand. He took mine and I remember thinking, wow, not as dry as I thought they were! And perhaps held onto his hand a little too long, whilst still gazing at him. Did not want to move from that spot…I wanted another hug too, but didn’t dare ask. Oh sod that - I just wanted to keep him!
Ben G signed my pass, then as I held out my hand, he went to high five me, missing me asking if I could shake his hand. He realised then and said. Oh I was going to give you a high five, but a handshake is more honest, more (not sure what word he used, something like dignified) Ben J signed and I shook his hand and then finally Larry. Stood at the end, not wanting to leave, already feeling bereft of them and wanting to go around again and again! Finally said goodbye to them and that I was going off to go cry now, Larry said don’t cry sweetness. I said I will…and thanked them and slowly backed away, very reluctant to leave them!
Back downstairs, went to find some friends to say goodbye to - I just didn’t want to go and have the night over with, found Zara and Lee and stood for some time chatting to them. No one was kicking me out…and I briefly considered going around to the signing again…but as I got closer to the front, still chatting with Zara and Lee, I chickened out, scared someone would remember I had already been by - either Lani or venue staff and shout at me. I know the guys wouldn’t have minded had I gone back again…but I’d hate to have been shouted at in front of them and ruin the most fantastic day ever! So, I finally said goodbye and started on my walk back to my hotel.
Walking down the street late at night alone, singing Keep Awake and crying to yourself is apparently a very good deterrent for everyone leaving you alone! Made it back to my hotel fine…but so very very very lost and sad without the promise of seeing them again the next day. Already I was missing them and drowned my sorrow in a pint of ice cream bought on the way home!!
And that was is….after 3 years of waiting, it was all over in 5 very short, but very incredible days!! That week was truly the best feckin’ week I have ever had!! I mean, there was not one horrid moment…nothing terribly bad happened, just about everyone I met was nice and…I just had the most amazing fun time….I can’t ever remember having that much fun for 5 days straight!
And yet…I do have a few regrets, not really regrets, but if I could only repeat the whole thing, over and over, I would do a couple of things differently. I wouldn’t ramble utter crap to them that first night and I would look at them more! I’d rethink my outfit that first night too :p I’d want Gillian with me on the tour for the entire week…and I’d have hung around after the last London show with other friends for another Jackson hug and maybe another photo and just a chance to say goodbye and thank him. That is my main regret - wish I had done that rather than head back to my hotel alone and miserable so early!!
But…maybe I’m just greedy, because everything I had with them, every last tiny experience was awesome! They are SUCH amazing, awesome, lovely guys and I never had a bad time with any of them, not one of them annoyed me and that is somewhat rare with a band! Though maybe them being SO damn nice has made it that much harder to let them go and say farewell!!
I went to these gigs being a genuine 100 Monkeys fan and totally in love with Jackson. After the five days I left being an obsessed loyal 100 Monkeys fan times 1 million, totally in love with Jackson and yet also in love with Ben G, Jerad, Ben J and even Uncle Larry - just because they were sooooo lovely and funny and cheeky and awesome and ‘normal’. I might not have the major crush/lust/love thing for them all that I do with Jackson, but I certainly care about them all that much more!!
So…just a few thank you’s to finish…because this tour would not have been possible for me or as fun without the following people:
My Mum for totally understanding my need to do this and why. For talking me into buying that VIP Zoo Keepers pass and mostly for being awesome and lying to my place of work about why I was off that week!
Gillian….for becoming an awesome friend - we knew each other before but hadn’t really spent much time together…..I think this tour changed that!! For driving bloody hundreds of miles and getting us to each gig safely. For letting me waffle on about Jackson and everything and indulging in our little fantasy games and just being a fun person to go to gigs with!! Roll on next year!!!
To all the monkey junkies I got to speak to, thanks for being awesome fans and being cool and mostly friendly! To Karen for taking my photos with the guys at the party and especially for getting two of me with Jackson! And for being understanding at the final M&G….I apologise for hogging them :p
To the crew - Lani, Bauer, Will and those behind the scenes I never got to speak to - thanks for all your hard work in making things run smoothly and being so nice about everything - especially making sure the zookeepers got all the perks we were promised!! Believe me, I have had bad experiences with management type people in the past of bands….and you were all awesome!!
To 100 Monkeys themselves for the best fucking week ever!! For giving everything to each show even though you weren’t feeling well some nights. For finally getting your asses to the UK - you were worth the wait!! And for being genuinely lovely, funny, friendly guys!! You have a fan for life!! (P.S. Uncle Larry - SO sorry I never had a photo taken with you at the VIP party...I forgot! And I regret it now...plus you were hidden behind Jackson much of the time and I didn't wanna go bother him again!!)
And finally…to Jackson Rathbone…for being everything I thought you would be and then some!! You’re an amazing guy and damn I wish I could keep you *sigh*
Roll on next tour - I’ll see you then! Saving starts now!!
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I’ve learned that goodbyes will always hurt
Pictures never replace having been there
Memories, good or bad, will bring you tears
And words can never replace those feelings…
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