I'm gonna need an alibi!

Dear Mr SandMan

We need words!! Dreaming of discussions and griping to friends about how much I want to see/meet Jackson and/or see 100 Monkeys live, is not a decent dream - that is my tiresome reality!! I need escape from that - actually getting to meet Jackson (and more!) or seeing 100 Monkeys would be a decent dream, just so you know!! Oh, and incidentally what was up with that blast from the past dream about NKOTB? Weird - could have done without that thanks!

Okay - weird start to a new blog, but…it had to be said :p My dreams of late suck!! I can’t get anything decent. The most exciting one I have had recently was something about Jackson taking me into his back garden to show me his tent…and sadly I do mean the camping kind - it was nothing in his pants *sigh* and then there was a huge bed in this huge tent (again - nothing naughty here!) and I thought, ooh…bed…maybe…. But no - he makes me get in said bed and then he just sits on the side talking to me about his mother!! -Good God I can’t even get any in my dreams!!

But, lately…and I’m not really sure why, I have become even more obsessed with Jackson than usual. I’m thinking maybe it’s time to take a couple of steps back from him, because it’s getting insane! Maybe it’s because of this silly fanfic thing I am writing and my delusional little mind likes to pretend it’s more real than it is at times…I mean, when you go to work in the morning and forget where you’re going because you’re plotting new ideas for your writing - you got it bad, right?!

And…I think sometimes, especially lately…confession time coming up…I sometimes think I am starting to care more about him and his career than the whole Twilight thing *gasp* I know, right?!

I also seem to have this intense need to meet him. Like I am going to go (even more) insane if I don’t! It’s so strange - I mean, I want to cry when I see other fan photos of them meeting him, I get jealous of them seeing 100 Monkeys live and I even get jealous about other people saying how much they want to meet him!! It’s all I can think about, hoping one day it will happen, wondering when and where he’s coming to the UK (he has promised some Monkey gigs here!) and whether I shall cry meeting him or act an idiot!!

I read one fans blog about a 100 Monkeys gig she went to, and how she managed to say hello to Jackson, but that was it. She tried to meet him/them, but security wouldn’t let them and the boys were tired - fair enough! She did have a brief chat with Jared and Uncle Larry, but apart from a ‘Howdy’ from Jackson, she never saw him after the show. I know that would happen to me. If they really do some shows here, I would go and as wonderful as it would be to see them perform and I can drool over Jackson’s guitar playing skills - if I didn’t get to meet him, get a photo with him and get a hug, I would seriously cry!!

Honestly, it is becoming a constant need. It’s like I have a magnetic pull towards him - I don’t think I have ever felt this way before….and I can’t explain it. The rational part of my mind tells me it’s because he is my obsession right now and I do this to fill the huge gaping black hole in my life. He gives me something nice and fun to focus on and distract me from the mundane that is my life.

But, my silly romantic, idealistic, fantasy part of my mind tells me I have this pull towards him because we’re meant to meet each other. Because…there could be something there…because we’re soul mates or something. Yeah - I know - that fantasy part of my mind is pretty much delusional!! But, heck - it’s entertaining and I like the fantasy - because my reality sucks!!

So…what to do? Continue deluding myself, fretting about meeting him, plotting ways to rob banks so as I can afford a trip to the USofA and stalk a bunch of monkeys to kidnap Jackson and tie him to my bed? Or…do I walk away from the situation, try not to think/dream/fantasise about him so as I become even more of a boring, miserable grump because I don’t even have the fantasy filled distractions and slip further into that black hole?!

Yeah…I think you know the answer!! To hell with it - get ready with my alibi - I’m off robbing banks :p

xC